My Mother :) Mother's day special!!

Sometimes, the simplest topics are the ones that puts us on the spot...and we really don't know what to say. Like how i am now, "the little Anjali from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai who is given the topic MA to speak about".... I can just tap a key and erase, tap a key and erase...I wish Shah Rukh comes to my rescue...Mother, ma, amma...mummy, mom...emak...mama...Call her whatever you want, but she is who she is... a super woman.

Many things i am today, i owe it to my mum...as much as i would like to say no...i am nothing like her, but i am so much like her in many ways and i am only grateful that i am is because she is such a great person and to be just 25% like her would mean i am there...i have achieved. The embodiment of love, the epitome of kind and forgiving... I have learnt so much of what to be and what not to be.. 

Amma,

I knew from a very young age you were kind, you were too good because you were always accepting people to our house, allowing them into our homes...taking care of them, cooking and treating them as our family..I can still picture all of them in our house. I took after you, i must have, since i could look after all acha's colleagues kids at that very young age when all of you went out for company dinner. I realised then how to treat everyone, regardless whether we were bound by blood or not, as family.

I remember how all our family members would come to our house for holidays and you would cook and entertain tirelessly. Also sometimes subject to scrutiny and no proper appreciation given because you were supposed to be able to do all that because you were not working, a stay at home mother. I remember how furious i was at that and i screamed... I learnt then that not all people are nice...Not all relatives were true. I learnt and understood how people acted in front of one another. I realised then that adults are not always right.

You kept on doing good regardless. I saw how you helped people by giving them monetary help without questioning motives. I remember how their own relatives didn't help but you came out to help upon hearing their plea. I remember how you and acha suffered the consequences of those help you offered. None you benefited from. You made me understand that benefits from helping others can't be measured by numbers or money... But what is important is, despite all that...you never stopped giving. You never stopped helping. Till date! And looking at where we are, where God is keeping you and acha... I learnt that God only sees the good that you do. I believed in God more and more because you were living prove that God existed.

I learnt how to clean the house, to make it look spotless...how to wash clothes in the morning, dry it and pick it up again around 2pm when it was scorching hot so the clothes would be hot and crisp...I learnt how to clean the bathroom like a bathroom cleaner. How to be extra clean in whatever i do. I complain again and again for having to do the chores...but i realise when you leave me at home...that is exactly how i do things. I learnt what being a friend meant...what being family meant. I learnt how to be honest...because that's what you are. You are so honest in whatever you do...to people around you. However that may backfire, you come out fine. I became one too amma. I did. I am so brutally honest but i am glad. I am glad because i have earned friends for life being that way. I have learnt how to help others and be happy for others even if it isn't about us. I learnt how to be selfless...

So many things amma...so many things that Google will probably run out of space if i ever had to write about you...hahaha. Is that even possible? But yeah...in the long run...i took in all that you were and came up with my own values. I remember how you used to say, i won't depend on all of you when i am old...i will have my husband...but here you are, taking care of my two kids. I still need you. I remember how you took care of me post operation and during confinement. I know how proud of all four of us you are. I know how much love you have for everyone in Kemaman, Kuantan, Ipoh, Johor...wherever...whoever.... I know how genuinely concern you are of everyone who crossed your path. Believe me, to constantly think and pray for the well being of each and everyone...is so difficult. Especially if they have done not very nice things...but you still wish them well. You are so easily hurt yet you still never cease to love.... That's where i differ amma... I guess i love everyone too...i can... until and only until they do not hurt me. If they do, i rather not associate myself with them. I move on. They don't deserve me if they do not know how to value me.

We have had this argument many times i remember... and i would always say...I'm not Mahatma...you can be if you want. That is who you really are amma...A divine being...a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good aunty, a good friend, a good daughter in law...a good sister in law...YOU ARE JUST GOOD. I thank God everyday for you and acha too. I pray for the both of you every single day. I always say, i must have done something good for God to have given the both of you as my parents....You accepted my friends as your own children...Not only my friends but even all your children's friends... I remember how you could entertain them, accommodate them... Amazing. You make people feel right at home. You don't judge people. 

Sometimes i feel you're just a child inside...i am more aware of the world and how selfish people really are these days, I thank God sometimes that you are a stay at home mother. You know why amma... you will come home crying everyday if you see what is happening out there amma. People lack love these days... It's a sad sight...I think you're better of at home. Pure and untainted :) That's the way i would like to see you. To see and face the world today...you need to be upgraded with all the good, the love, the forgiving attitude but at the same time...you need some extra features like "I don't care attitude, so what attitude and i couldn't be bothered attitude"... kind of means the same but yeah. basically you have to be strong to accept that some people are just like that these days and you can't expect all of them to be nice just because you are.

However, you would be very happy to know that i do spread the love around amma. I do have wonderful friends who i keep close to my heart and would sacrifice all my time to just be there for them. I have so many wonderful students who i have told so many stories with values i have learnt from our own experiences... I am doing good amma. I just wanted to say...i wish i am the kind to say it often enough...but i really love you amma. I look like i can't get along with you and your ideas...but actually i just love you. You're my amma...i have only you. So what if i fight or argue right....there isn't anyone else to do so with right....So, yeah...thank you very much for everything...It's never going to be enough...neither am i going to be able to repay you....so....thank you will suffice for now :) I believe your goodness is contagious....eventually, whoever crosses your path will have no choice but to succumb and give in to goodness as well...Such is your divinity..... Your husband, your daughters, your son in laws and your grandchildren are so so proud of you and so lucky to have you by our side. Our guardian angel <3

The most beautiful person...the most loving lady....that is all you...my AMMA :)

Surviving the third week :)

New place and successful completion of the third week :) I'm pleased...very pleased. To think that the college is pretty much at its infancy stage...and i get to initiate a few new ideas and start a few new projects makes me very happy!! It's a good feeling... However, Maritime is pretty new to me, and i'm so excited to learn new things from the Subject Matter Experts... "port side, starboard, par-buckling, ship grounding"....

These were alien to me...Well, now i know though :) I'm always open to new things...and learning can never stop...However, i have always been one to ask if i didn't know and i'm not ashamed by it. So what if you don't know...no one knows everything of everything...NO ONE! 

Unfortunately, students these days are born with the innate characteristics of not asking and that saddens me. If you don't ask how will you know? You need to know to answer questions. I told my students, you better ask if you don't know or i will ask you and if you don't have the answer to it..I am sending you out of class :) Of course i say it "soo nicely" that the students are very aware of the sarcastic tone. And then you are flooded with so many questions.... FINALLY.

Passionate teachers are not tired of answering questions, great teachers are those who are not tired and also teach the students the art of finding answers...USE YOUR DICTIONARY!! I'm glad i have a nice group of students who are ready to learn and hungry for knowledge. I am also aware of a few students who are extremely good in their proficiency and that i should be prepared to face them in class for these will be the students who will test me and my capabilities. I'm open to critiques, i'm open for discussion and i am willing to learn from you no matter what your age is... Knowledge is knowledge regardless of its origin. No ego should be involved when learning. We are not robots to know everything. 

Knowing that i have to do my proposal and thesis in order to complete my Masters programme...I sometimes wonder why did i take on a full time job. But there was an urgency to take it up. I wanted to go back to what i did best...where my heart was. But coming here, i realised that i could probably expand and make use of the maritime field for my Masters. I could develop ESP (English for Specific Purposes) "Maritime English"... *Boom* Suddenly i had all these ideas and then i looked up again and asked God, "is this why YOU put me here?" My President for one champions this idea and actually has this in his mind like a pet project and got me on board so i can help in the development of Maritime English... How great is that?

Most of the Maritime English papers or journals was written by a certain Peter Trenkner....and He happens to be our President's friend. My undying love and believe in God constantly increases... To think that He keeps me well ...Brings tears to my eyes...and much gratitude in my heart :)

Well just got back from training and thought of getting this out of my chest...What a wonderful avenue this is...Loving it... below is a picture of my lovely colleague...fellow English Lecturer... Ms Firah.. a sweetheart!!

What I Do Best :)

I mean since i love writing and all....naturally i should have started blogging....But i guess i was way too busy....these days i am even busier but i guess i learnt how to manage time well....I'm a mother, i'm a wife, i'm a lecturer, i'm a student, a daughter, a sister; does the list ever end for us woman? I always believed in woman empowerment, we can do more than we actually think we can...if we would just push ourselves.

This year seems to be good...April started of pretty well...New job for both me and hubby, started being in JB...new colleagues and new friendships...new business...Gosh! Thank you God..Your believe in me is overwhelming...You made me believe I'm all these and so much more... If anything, i'm more humbled by this opportunities opening up and all these wonderful people i'm meeting along the way.

All these people in one way or the other have touched my heart and i have come to realize that there is actually so much to learn and love about the other if only we would care to do so. Life has been more interesting with the arrival of my second child... A year and a month since she came...What a change...

I left SEGi...left my colleagues...left the comfort of my home, my space and time...Dedicated it to her and to my son. The need to have them bond...and the need to have a bonding with them both...It was all worth it at the end of the day...There are just some things you have to let go...to lose in order to gain many others. The essential thing done by people who are successful... move out of their comfort zone...Do something different, push yourself...

Well, that's that...rushing of for my meeting :) Get back in a bit!

Aimless and disillusioned

If the ultimate aim of human was to love ,to find peace, to do good and to be happy.... is it alright then to do anything to get that peace? The definition of happiness and bliss is different...but deep down, no one finds happiness in murder, killings and theft. It isn't what people want to do. They are forced by situations and threathened by conditions. They are oppressed and driven by a strong reason to defend, conquer or survive.
Coming back to my question again...is it alright to break all that rules and go out there to find that happiness? What are the rules we live by and who defines them? To whose norms are these rules made? To whose standards are u living your life? Are other people's thoughts and opinion so important that they are the fuel to your journey on earth? Are u satisfied...satisfying them? The only thing that matters is that you are finding happiness and no one should be hurt in that process of yours!
I believe in God...i love God everyday and He knows it because i say it to Him everyday like a child would to his mother and like a wife would to her husband. I love God in all forms and all manifestations! To love and to be loved is Godliness. So why then, do we put barriers in our hearts? Why do we judge ourselves to the standards created by human beings who err?
Why do we not indulge in Godliness and start loving? Start falling in love with life and let life show you its beauty... live as if there was no tomorrow.. live without any doubts and live freely because.... only God can judge u! No one else should or no one else must.
This nursery rhyme comes to my mind whenever i think of life.. 'row row row your boat, gently down the stream...merrily merrily merrily... life is but a dream'.... as i grew, i understood that this rhyme may have instilled a huge life lesson in me... Firstly, 'life is but a dream'...so why create nightmares? Why have stress? Why have hatred? Why do evil? Secondly, 'row your boats gently'...what is the rush honey? What is yours will always be yours..that is fate. So take one thing at a time, enjoy life as it comes... a day, an hour and a second...
'Merrily merrily merrily'...now...this is what i was talking about...live life happily! Add more colours, music, depth, get more people into your boat...spread the love and enjoy life. Dance to your hearts content, laugh as if there was no tomorrow, cry if u must...but cry your hearts out like there was no one watching and then start rowing your boat again...
Have no barriers, no egoes..be humble and be simple...make happiness your destination and make love your fuel....
Live truly, live honestly, live by lifting people up... live by loving one another and live with an open arm and a wide smile :)
Start thinking of your purpose and fulfill your heart's desire because a happy heart and a contented soul leads to a healthy body!!

Have a great day everybody! Love u all so much :)