Many things i am today, i owe it to my mum...as much as i would like to say no...i am nothing like her, but i am so much like her in many ways and i am only grateful that i am is because she is such a great person and to be just 25% like her would mean i am there...i have achieved. The embodiment of love, the epitome of kind and forgiving... I have learnt so much of what to be and what not to be..
Amma,
I knew from a very young age you were kind, you were too good because you were always accepting people to our house, allowing them into our homes...taking care of them, cooking and treating them as our family..I can still picture all of them in our house. I took after you, i must have, since i could look after all acha's colleagues kids at that very young age when all of you went out for company dinner. I realised then how to treat everyone, regardless whether we were bound by blood or not, as family.
I remember how all our family members would come to our house for holidays and you would cook and entertain tirelessly. Also sometimes subject to scrutiny and no proper appreciation given because you were supposed to be able to do all that because you were not working, a stay at home mother. I remember how furious i was at that and i screamed... I learnt then that not all people are nice...Not all relatives were true. I learnt and understood how people acted in front of one another. I realised then that adults are not always right.
You kept on doing good regardless. I saw how you helped people by giving them monetary help without questioning motives. I remember how their own relatives didn't help but you came out to help upon hearing their plea. I remember how you and acha suffered the consequences of those help you offered. None you benefited from. You made me understand that benefits from helping others can't be measured by numbers or money... But what is important is, despite all that...you never stopped giving. You never stopped helping. Till date! And looking at where we are, where God is keeping you and acha... I learnt that God only sees the good that you do. I believed in God more and more because you were living prove that God existed.
I learnt how to clean the house, to make it look spotless...how to wash clothes in the morning, dry it and pick it up again around 2pm when it was scorching hot so the clothes would be hot and crisp...I learnt how to clean the bathroom like a bathroom cleaner. How to be extra clean in whatever i do. I complain again and again for having to do the chores...but i realise when you leave me at home...that is exactly how i do things. I learnt what being a friend meant...what being family meant. I learnt how to be honest...because that's what you are. You are so honest in whatever you do...to people around you. However that may backfire, you come out fine. I became one too amma. I did. I am so brutally honest but i am glad. I am glad because i have earned friends for life being that way. I have learnt how to help others and be happy for others even if it isn't about us. I learnt how to be selfless...
So many things amma...so many things that Google will probably run out of space if i ever had to write about you...hahaha. Is that even possible? But yeah...in the long run...i took in all that you were and came up with my own values. I remember how you used to say, i won't depend on all of you when i am old...i will have my husband...but here you are, taking care of my two kids. I still need you. I remember how you took care of me post operation and during confinement. I know how proud of all four of us you are. I know how much love you have for everyone in Kemaman, Kuantan, Ipoh, Johor...wherever...whoever.... I know how genuinely concern you are of everyone who crossed your path. Believe me, to constantly think and pray for the well being of each and everyone...is so difficult. Especially if they have done not very nice things...but you still wish them well. You are so easily hurt yet you still never cease to love.... That's where i differ amma... I guess i love everyone too...i can... until and only until they do not hurt me. If they do, i rather not associate myself with them. I move on. They don't deserve me if they do not know how to value me.
We have had this argument many times i remember... and i would always say...I'm not Mahatma...you can be if you want. That is who you really are amma...A divine being...a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good aunty, a good friend, a good daughter in law...a good sister in law...YOU ARE JUST GOOD. I thank God everyday for you and acha too. I pray for the both of you every single day. I always say, i must have done something good for God to have given the both of you as my parents....You accepted my friends as your own children...Not only my friends but even all your children's friends... I remember how you could entertain them, accommodate them... Amazing. You make people feel right at home. You don't judge people.
Sometimes i feel you're just a child inside...i am more aware of the world and how selfish people really are these days, I thank God sometimes that you are a stay at home mother. You know why amma... you will come home crying everyday if you see what is happening out there amma. People lack love these days... It's a sad sight...I think you're better of at home. Pure and untainted :) That's the way i would like to see you. To see and face the world today...you need to be upgraded with all the good, the love, the forgiving attitude but at the same time...you need some extra features like "I don't care attitude, so what attitude and i couldn't be bothered attitude"... kind of means the same but yeah. basically you have to be strong to accept that some people are just like that these days and you can't expect all of them to be nice just because you are.
However, you would be very happy to know that i do spread the love around amma. I do have wonderful friends who i keep close to my heart and would sacrifice all my time to just be there for them. I have so many wonderful students who i have told so many stories with values i have learnt from our own experiences... I am doing good amma. I just wanted to say...i wish i am the kind to say it often enough...but i really love you amma. I look like i can't get along with you and your ideas...but actually i just love you. You're my amma...i have only you. So what if i fight or argue right....there isn't anyone else to do so with right....So, yeah...thank you very much for everything...It's never going to be enough...neither am i going to be able to repay you....so....thank you will suffice for now :) I believe your goodness is contagious....eventually, whoever crosses your path will have no choice but to succumb and give in to goodness as well...Such is your divinity..... Your husband, your daughters, your son in laws and your grandchildren are so so proud of you and so lucky to have you by our side. Our guardian angel <3
The most beautiful person...the most loving lady....that is all you...my AMMA :)
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