Miracles

My previous blog was for teacher's day. That was so long ago. I initially thought that i would be blogging everyday. It's more of a dream now since i don't get that much of time for myself let alone use it to blog. I can now relate to how everyone says they hardly have the time to do anything at all. It must have been that long ago since i actually watched a movie in the cinema. I used to at least go to temple whenever i have the chance but now, that is also so difficult. However, that is something i am not worried about because i couldn't bring myself to God so i brought God to where i was. I gave Him a place at my desk where He sits very comfortably looking at me. I have gotten to a point where i no longer need to seek...I just have to merely think and He shows me signs that He is there...and He knows.

For example, two days ago, i got into my acha's car and was driving to work. I love my drives to work because it's my space and time. I love to listen to songs and just sometimes travel silently. However, since it was acha's car, i had no idea what he was listening to everyday or which channel his radio was tuned to. As i was on the way to work, the thought of Lord Thirupathi and Lord Shiva crossed me. And i was so overwhelmed to think of how blessed i actually was to have everything go well and just the way i wanted it too. I was smiling to myself feeling content and blessed. After feeling grateful and blessed, i turned the radio on and what played was this sacred chant of "kurai ondrum illai, malai muga kanna....govinda govinda govinda" something like that. As i said the words "govinda govinda govinda"...i actually chocked as my eyes swelled with tears. How could this be? How much of love does He have for me? I just have to think and He comes to me...I was in tears and i was speechless....

I don't know how and when i established this relationship with God, but i got to an understanding that i have passed the stage where i had to reach and call out hard enough...That new understanding of that love and relationship i have with Him made me realise how very lucky i am. Every single time i thank God and feel grateful to Him, i know i am there...getting closer to Him. The very essence of life is to understand that there is no you, there is just Him making it all happen through you and everyone else. I see His beautiful manifestations in everything. Sometimes, i feel i am mad. Like the other day, i felt that my office room was dirty. I didn't know whether this new building had already assigned contract workers to clean staff's room. And i hear a knock on my door. I open and this Malay kakak was smiling at me and she said, "nak bersihkan bilik, ada sampah tak?" I must have looked at her with my jaw down that she smiled and said, "lain kali kotor panggil saje kakak, kakak datang bersihkan". I looked at her....i saw God in her. I smiled and said "terima kasih kak". 

Someone blessed me recently, saying "after knowing me my dear Shas, you would realise that your problems will slowly reduce and you will feel much more peaceful. I have that ability to absorb people's sadness and pain." A well wisher and a friend. I never took it seriously but now i know and for sure..what he said was true enough. Thank you. I also see him as a manifestation...God must have sent me His angel to look after me. This feeling, is something that i can't explain. There are no words for me to explain it. But it is a feeling, a relationship that i want everyone to establish with God. Nothing beats it. Lovers will think being in love is the best feeling, mothers will feel being a mother is the best feeling in the whole world but this feeling beats it all flat. This is a one of a kind feeling. A sense of comfort, a certain closeness to an entity which can't be named but only praised. I feel a compulsion to spread His kindness and love. 

The only criteria to get close to Him is love Him and trust Him. Believe and have faith in Him and in His decisions. Always know that it was never You...it was and will always be Him. Because He wanted it that way and not you. If you can do that, then you are there. You can't just say i believe in God but then always go to Him and question Him. "Why am i going through this? What did i do to deserve this?" Isn't that doubt? Aren't you doubting Him? I have been trying to explain this to my cousin and to my friends. I think they are seeing much difference in their lives by just believing and accepting His decisions. I am truly happy for them. 

I just want to do it right. I want to share and let everyone see the magic. No amount of money or success would account for it. I am happy where i am. However, i am made for more. I have always pushed my boundaries and i will. With His blessings. I will. I also can't hide the fact that my heart is constantly going back and forth to India. To the land of the Gods. August can't come soon enough :)

P/S: Lord Shiva, You know i love You and You know after Lord Thirupathi's song it was Your song which came right up and i know You were jealous and You are extremely possessive of me but i have never put one above the other. I love You too...so much!! Shambhunath!!